Methinks Thou Won't Protest Too Much

Tom Gorzelanny, who was acquired by the Cubs yesterday along with John Grabow, grew up in Evergreen Park and attended Marist High School. He also grew up an unabashed Sox fan and has previously stated his disdain for the northsiders.

While I'm sure Gorzelanny was "the happiest guy on the planet" when he learned he was finally out of Pittsburgh, I imagine it would be weird to don the uniform of a team you once despised. I for one, could never play for the White Sox, which of course is why I chose not to play professional baseball and opted to blog about it instead. One must stay true to oneself.

Of course, if Gorzelanny finds that it's too conflicting to pitch for the Cubs, he can resume his acting career and reprise his role as Sloth from the Goonies.

The Pussification of Baseball General Managers

The USA Today is running an article that blames you, the fan, for all of the crazy trading deadline speculation. I highly recommend that you click the link and read this crap, but if you don't, here are some highlights.

From BLT favorite Ken Rosenthal, who is never wrong:

"When I started," says Rosenthal, who has covered baseball since 1984, "the biggest sin of all was to be wrong. But it just blows my mind that people don't feel bad about being wrong. Our standards have dropped. And it bothers the hell out of me."

My question is, what constitutes being wrong when your job is to cover trade rumors? You speculate for a living and report things that you hear. Are you wrong if the trade never materializes? I doubt it. It seems to me there is no right or wrong when you're covering rumors.

Peter Gammons on his problem with fans who own computers:

"This stuff is just driving everybody crazy, and it's getting worse and worse," Gammons says. "It's like there's 10 new trade rumors on the Internet every hour. There is so much stuff thrown out there, people can't differentiate between fact and fiction."

It's actually quite easy to differentiate once the trade deadline passes. The trades that were pulled off go into the "fact" category and the ones that didn't, well, who cares?

On the Jake Peavy to the Cubs rumors:

Kevin Towers, general manager of the San Diego Padres, is convinced reports involving ace Jake Peavy going to the Chicago Cubs last winter forced the trade to dissolve. "It became so public, so counterproductive to [Cubs GM] Jim Hendry and I," Towers says, "the deal didn't get done. There was too much public knowledge, and so many players being mentioned, it got out of hand. I really sensed we were close to a deal, but once it got out in the open, Jim said he was pulling the plug. I don't blame him."

Said Hendry: "It certainly didn't help. I'd leave Kevin's room and the same names we talked about were on the Internet two hours later. It certainly puts a damper on a lot of things. All of us would prefer the days when deals would be announced (at a news conference). But those days are over. The stuff that gets out there now drives all of us crazy."

Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, you're telling me that the Peavy to the Cubs trade didn't happen because of me? It's my fault? Why all the secrecy? We're not exactly dealing with a leather briefcase stocked with a classified nuclear war plan, it's a fucking baseball trade.

Here's an idea. Go out and do your job and make your baseball team better. If there is a deal out there that you think will help, do it. It's that simple. Let's try to remember that you're just a GM on a baseball team and not some secret government agent. Oh, and another thing. Complaining that your fan base cares too much and makes things more difficult for you is kind of stupid. You let me know how easy your job is when your fan base doesn't give a shit, because if we don't, you're probably not going to be the GM for very much longer.

LOOGY Looms?

According to the Chicago Tribune, the Cubs are still likely to acquire another left-handed reliever before the deadline.

Two names on the Cubs' radar are left-handed middle relievers John Grabow of the Pirates and Joe Beimel of the Nationals. Neither would cost a bundle, and both are effective against left-handed hitters.

Problem is, Grabow is about as effective against left-handers as Mike Remlinger was.

Grabow had a 1.51 WHIP (walks plus hits per 1 inning pitched) to go along with a 3-0 record entering Monday. Lefties hit .275 against him while righties bat .243.

When looking to acquire a LOOGY, I usually like mine to be able to get left-handers out.

Sixty-Four

Sixty-four is the square of 8, the cube of 4, and the sixth power of 2. It is the smallest number with exactly seven divisors. It is the lowest positive power of two that is adjacent to neither a Mersenne prime nor a Fermat prime. 64 is the sum of Euler's totient function for the first fourteen integers. It is also a dodecagonal number and a centered triangular number.

Since it is possible to find sequences of 64 consecutive integers such that each inner member shares a factor with either the first or the last member, 64 is an Erdős–Woods number.

In base 10, no integer added up to its own digits yields 64, hence it is a self number.

64 is a superperfect number - a number such that σ(σ(n))=2n.

Oh yeah, it's also the magic number for your first place Chicago Cubs.

Bradley To Stay Put

According to the Daily Herald, the Cubs were never close to dealing Bradley to Detroit. In fact, the Cubs are calling it "irresponsible reporting:"

For a few minutes Saturday, a rumor had sprouted and grown that the Cubs were going to trade outfielder Milton Bradley to the Detroit Tigers.

Apparently, the rumor somehow began with White Sox TV analyst Steve Stone and was spread by WGN radio's David Kaplan on a Web site. Cubs people said no one ever checked with them before the rumor was posted.

The Cubs said they have never talked about trading Bradley to any team. A plugged-in person in Detroit also said there was nothing to the rumor. Bradley, who hit a pinch homer in Saturday's 5-3 win over Detroit, has struggled for much of the year at the plate. He's in the first season of a three-year, $30 million contract.

The entire thing is a cluster fuck. Not only were Steve Stone and David Kaplan wrong, but the Daily Herald is wrong as well considering Bradley hit a pinch hit homer against the Reds and not the Tigers on Saturday. It's probably not a big deal since I think I'm the only one who reads the Daily Herald.

Even Tony LaRussa Hates Cardinals' Fans

St. Louis manager Tony LaRussa was asked the other night about the treatment of Chris Duncan by the St. Louis fans and the media:

“I get so tired of the unfair treatment of Chris Duncan,” he said. “It makes me want to vomit. And you can quote me on that.”

While I do agree with Tony that St. Louis fans make me want to puke, in their defense, it could just be the wine talking.

The Cardinals though won't be pressured to make moves because of their fan base and in a vote of confidence to Chris Duncan, they promptly traded him to the Red Sox.

Cubs Look To Bolster Bullpen

According to Bruce Levine of ESPN 1000 and ESPN Chicago fame, the Cubs are looking to add another lefty to the pen:

The Chicago Cubs are looking for bullpen help via a trade, according to Major League Baseball sources.

The Cubs would like to add another left-handed pitcher to their bullpen.

Pittsburgh's John Grabow has been talked about between the clubs. The Pirates are willing to trade any number of young veterans. Grabow has a 1.36 ERA in 42 2/3 innings with 24 walks and 37 strikeouts, while allowing 3 home runs.

The N.L. his hitting .247 against Grabow, who would go into the setup equation for the Cubs along with Carlos Marmol, Angel Guzman and Aaron Heilman.

Baltimore left-handed closer George Sherrill is being dangled by the Orioles. The obligation on Sherrill's contract is somewhere close to $1.2 million, while Grabow's is about $1.3 million for the rest of the 2009 season.

Though not mentioned, it's also safe to assume that the Cubs will look at any middle infielder that becomes available in hopes of completing Jim Hendry's collection.

Vested Interest

Hooray! Milton Bradley is now vested according to MLB Trade Rumors:

Cubs right fielder Milton Bradley made a pinch-hit plate appearance in the 11th inning against the Phillies tonight, marking his 75th game played in 2009. The significance? The games played milestone caused his 2011 option, worth $12MM, to vest.

Bradley's Cubs career has been a disappointment so far. His .372 OBP is fine, but he's slugging only .369 and showing nothing as a left-handed hitter. He's also been a negative on defense, based on UZR/150 (though we're only working with 527 innings).

Don't worry though, the Cubs are aware they need another left-handed bat. Problem is, he's going to have to play either SS, 2B or catcher because everyone else is pretty much locked in.

Running Clock

Slow news day today. Cubs dominated in D.C. like they were supposed to and all is right with the world. So today I bring you the second installment of "Running Clock" where I share with you, the reader, the genius of Clock through emails that he sends me throughout the day. If you missed the first one, you can read it here.

Today, Clock sends me this:

Where was Micah in '03?

Good point. Sadly, he wasn't in LF or at SS...

Hendry Gets B.J. In D.C.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do. ESPN Chicago is reporting that Ryan will report to Mesa, Arizona to begin building up his arm with minor-league pitching coordinator Mark Riggins.

Hoo-Frickin'-Ray!

Notice To Paul Sullivan: You're Pushing Your Luck Little Man

The Cubs begin their second half tonight in Washington and for the love of God, I hope it's better than the first half if only to stop shit like this from being written. Courtesy of Paul Sullivan:

Defensive lapses: Soriano's defense in left has gotten so bad the Cubs actually upgraded when Sean Marshall was inserted for one batter Sunday night. Bradley still has problems finding fly balls in the sun. Andres Blanco improves the infield defense, but he can't hit enough to play regularly. Cubs pitchers deserve much better than what they have seen behind them.

Listen Paul, normally I like you. You're one of a few writers in this town that doesn't make me want to blow my brains out. That being said, your first sentence reads like it was written by Barry Rozner. That is probably the most insulting thing I could say to someone. I believe on the journalistic scale of suck, it goes dope, hack, Barry Rozner. Congrats, you've reached rock bottom.

Secondly, I'm assuming you're trying to say that Milton Bradley has been disappointing to date, to which I would agree. He hasn't been hitting like he's capable of, I understand, and he's not a gold glover by any means. However, I don't hold it against the man that HE CAN'T SEE WHEN STARING INTO THE FUCKING SUN! Are you kidding me? That's your knock on Bradley? Is that what you look for in a right fielder? I can just hear you now. "Oh, what a shame that Roberto Clemente was taken from us so soon. He was one of the greatest of all-time. That motherfucker could stare into the sun for hours!"

I'm sure I'm not alone in thinking that the Cubs first half was disappointing, but coverage like this makes it almost unbearable. Here's hoping the second half of the season is better, both on the field and in the press box.

Checking It Twice

Cubs.com has an article that outlines Lou Piniella's to-do list for the second half that will ensure the Cubs success. As a public service, I've listed Lou's list right here so you don't have to click the link.

1. Stop sucking

2. Start hitting

3. Stop getting hurt

4. Never activate David Patton

5. Never activate Aaron Miles

6. Keep playing Marshall in left field until Jim Hendry gets the hint that the current roster configuration sucks

7. Win division

2009 Home Run Derby

The first half has come to a close and the All-Star festivities kick off tonight. If you can get past the insufferable call of Chris Berman, tune in tonight to catch the 2009 Home Run Derby on ESPN.

The National League will be represented by Ryan Howard, Prince Fielder, Adrian Gonzalez and Albert Pujols. Representing the American League will be Nelson Cruz, Carlos Pena, Joe Mauer and Brandon Inge. Apparently, the American League hates me as much as I hate it. I guess we should just be happy that Joe Maddon doesn't get to pick the HR derby representatives or else we'd have four Rays. Maddon should be busy tonight trying to figure out a way to get Pat Burrell onto the All-Star roster so he doesn't get accused of leaving anyone out.

Also, don't forget to enter our own All-Star contest here.

It Continues...

Geovany Soto has now joined Ryan Dempster on the disabled list after hurting himself in batting practice before Wednesday's game. The oblique injury is expected to sideline him for up to a month. BLT's own Koyie Hill has been charged with replacing him.

Wasn't that day that the Cubs were healthy awesome?! Oh wait, we were still without our stud second baseman Aaron Miles, so technically we were still missing one of our elite players that day...

Geo was coming around at the plate recently and finally giving DLee some help with carrying the team, so we probably should have expected this. Jake Fox should be on alert as he's the other guy on the team that's been hitting. Speaking of, I can't say that I'm not slightly hoping for Koyie to get ejected today so we get to see Jake, the emergency/backup catcher today, try finish the game back there. At this point, I'm just looking for the Cubs to amuse me...

Erin Andrews' Chin Attracts Balls

During the 4th inning of last night's Dodgers/Mets game, Alex Cora decided to rest his balls on Erin Andrews' chin. TMZ reports:

Andrews — who serves as a sideline reporter for ESPN — was struck in the chin by a foul ball hit by New York Mets player Alex Cora during the 4th inning.

Fear not though gentlemen, ESPN has released the following statement:

She's totally fine. The producers on site suggested she go to the hospital as a precaution. Doctors released her soon thereafter. She flew home as scheduled and is looking forward to working MLB All-Star events and the ESPYs in the coming week.

Thank god she's fine, she's totally fine. To the max...

Steve Stone Is Like Your Buddy's Ex-Girlfriend

You know when your buddy breaks up with a girl and to make him feel better you say stuff you really don't mean? You might say you never liked her or that he's way better off without her and you're glad she's gone. Then two weeks later they're back together and now you're the asshole? Well, that's how I've treated Steve Stone.

I've been hesitant in ripping Stone for some reason. I guess I wasn't sure if we've seen the last of him and I didn't want to rip him and then have to take him back later. I never blamed him for leaving, I always put that on Kent Mercker, Moises Alou and the rest of the thin-skinned babies of 2004. Well, I can now officially say that Steve Stone is a whore and I'm glad he's gone.

We all remember a couple of weeks ago when Carlos Zambrano hit DeWayne Wise in the ass with a purpose pitch and Steve Stone got all self-righteous on us. In fact, he inaccurately stated that “If you are wondering why Zambrano has never won more than 14 games in a season, this is the reason right here.” Obviously we all knew Stone was full of shit, well, except for this guy. I kind of just chalked it up to the fact that in order to broadcast for the White Sox, you have to bitch, cry and complain for the entire 3 hours. I also figured that Steve Stone just plain didn't like Big Z, and that's fine too.

Last night's game makes you wonder though, how many times has Z lost a game because the team let him down, not the other way around? Zambrano gave the Cubs every opportunity to win last night, pitching 6 innings of 2 run ball on short rest. The team called on him and he delivered, he just didn't have a lot of help. Does Stone really think that Carlos doesn't have more wins because he hits utility players in the ass? I remember him being much smarter than that.

What is Mike Gonzalez doing?

So I'm watching the Cubs game tonight, and Mike Gonzalez is in to shut the Cubs down in the 8th. For anyone who has seen Gonzalez throw, the guy rocks around the mound like an idiot before each pitch. While watching this circus tonight, I asked the esteemed Lady Puma to tell me what she thought. Did she say:

a) He looks like a drunk in a bar fight?

b) He looks like a guy standing on the end of a boat at sea?

c) Is it Dan O'Clock already?

d) He looks like someone with a yeast infection who's too embarrassed to scratch in public?

Feel free to provide your own guesses/analogies/speculation about why yeast infections are the first thing to come to Mrs. Puma's mind, I'm headed out to visit Dr. Walker...

Ramirez Back Today

Ha! See what I did there? The picture is of Ramirez's back...and he's back today. Well whatever, they're not all going to be winners.

Anyway, today is the day we've been dreaming about since May 8th, when the Cubs were 2.5 games out of first in the NL Central. After two very long and frustrating months, the Cubs get a key component back and just in time because they find themselves 2.5 games out. Wait, what? We didn't lose any ground when Ramirez was out? But we played like shit pretty much the entire time. In fact, when I go back and look at the stats, I'm pretty sure we scored a total of 7 runs in that time frame. I guess we have no choice now but to go out and win the division, again.

David Patton Must Go

With the Cubs expected to activate the trio of Aramis Ramirez, Reed Johnson and Angel Guzman on Monday, some tough roster decisions are going to have to be made. Let's be honest here, it's not as if this team is so incredibly deep with talent that it makes sending someone down difficult, it's just that there are so many players that do the same thing, how do you pick the right one? One player that should not have a roster spot come Monday is David Patton.

David Patton is a luxury that this team cannot afford. I understand that if he is not kept on the 25-man roster then you have to send him back to Colorado. I'm not concerned. If this was a 97-win team like last season, then I could see the Cubs wasting a roster spot and holding onto Patton because they're good enough to overcome it. He may very well develop into a nice pitcher if given the chance, but this is not the place to develop pitchers.

I'm sure at this point that Jim Hendry doesn't want to look like he's admitting to a mistake. He already looked like he admitted to one when he inquired about DeRosa's availability from Cleveland. He's taking a lot of heat over the Milton Bradley signing. At this point though with Patton, is it a bigger mistake to keep him or to cut bait?

Lou has already lost faith in Patton and only uses him in mop up situations. We've already been told that because of the ownership uncertainty, we probably won't be making a major splash via the trade at the deadline. If that's the case, so be it. But can Jim Hendry at least have the decency to let the Cubs play with a full 25-man roster? Before we start making the hard decisions like which player that's been contributing gets sent down, can we at least get rid of the players that don't contribute at all?

Bush League Times All-Star Contest

Since the Cubs only have one player on the All-Star squad and I fear the game will be rather uninteresting (it's in St. Louis, where interesting goes to die), I've decided to hold an All-Star contest.

All you have to do is tell me which team will win the 2009 All-Star Game and which player will be the MVP. In case of a tie, please predict the final score. Closest guess to the actual score will win. That's it. The winner will receive his or her choice of t-shirts from the Bush League Times store. Enter as many times as you'd like by entering your guess in the comments section of this post. You must enter before 6:00pm on July 14th. All guesses after 6pm will not be eligible for prizes.

Winners will be contacted on Wednesday July 15th via email to claim their prize. Good luck to everyone.

Ted Lilly Is The Lone All Star

The American and National League All Stars were announced today and not surprisingly, the Cubs only had one player named to the team. Ted Lilly will represent the Cubs in St. Louis, only one year after they sent 8 players to the midsummer classic.

Some thought Derrek Lee may have had an outside chance to make the team, but Charlie Manual chose Prince Fielder, Adrian Gonzalez and Ryan Howard to go along with starter Albert Pujols.

Happy 4th of July

We at Bush League Times would like to wish everyone a safe and happy Fourth of July. May you end today with as many fingers as you started with and may you all enjoy a Cubs victory.

Your Source For Exclusive Aramis Ramirez Updates

With Aramis Ramirez on a rehab assignment with the Peoria Chiefs, we decided to send Bush League Times' correspondant Dan O'Clock to Elfstrom Stadium to cover the action. Dan has a knack for covering the big stories like nobody else can, we like to think it's because of his desire to be the best and the fact that he just won't take no for an answer. We asked Dan to cover the game and snap some pictures of Aramis in a Chiefs uniform that we could use on the site. As you can see, he did not disappoint.


Great job as always Dan, your work continues to amaze us. As Josh Elliott would say, that's tremendous stuff.

Cubs Acquire Jeff Baker...Hoo-Frickin'-Ray

In a move that should officially eliminate Jim Hendry from 'Executive of the Year' consideration, the Cubs have acquired infielder Jeff Baker from the Colorado Rockies according to Yahoo sports.

With Aramis Ramirez expected back on Monday, the Cubs will have to choose between the following people to play second base:

Aaron Miles, Mike Fontenot, Jeff Baker, Andres Blanco, Ryan Freel and if any of them get hurt, Bobby Scales. Is it possible to teach Jake Fox to play second instead of third?

If You Had July 1st In The Office Pool, Then You Win

It's nice to see that Carol Slezak has finally lit a match under Lou's ass. It's just too bad that Phil Rogers will now want to get rid of Lou because he's as emotional as Zambrano. I guess there's no pleasing everybody.

Lou finally blew his top tonight and got himself tossed. Although it wasn't his best show and it felt a little forced, I have to admit I enjoyed it. I'm sure that those of us who did enjoy it will be called goons and meat heads by the usual suspects on talk radio and even in other Cubs blogs. I don't care. It's just nice to finally see that Lou isn't apathetic in the dugout. Not only do I like my managers to have a pulse, I like them to have high blood pressure. Also, don't think for a second that it's a coincidence that Lou got tossed and then the Cubs started hitting with runners in scoring position. It's not a coincidence, it's science.

Ramirez To Return On Monday

According to Paul Sullivan of the Chicago Tribune, Aramis Ramirez will return to the Cubs on Monday following a 3-game rehab stint with Peoria. Ramirez cautions though that he can't single-handedly turn this Cubs season around.

"It doesn't work that way," Ramirez said. "Everybody has got to do their job. They can think whatever they want, but we have 25 guys here and everybody has got to do their job. It's not like I'm going to jump in and all of a sudden we're going to win every game."

While I agree that it's unfair to expect the Cubs to win every game once Ramirez returns, I think 5 more losses the rest of the way is very reasonable.