They Look Harmless To Me

Milton Bradley stated recently that he prays the game only lasts 9 innings so he can be out there the least amount of time possible and go home. Apparently, he doesn't feel comfortable hanging out with the Wrigley faithful...





Indiana Jones, the bikini guy and the pirate all think Milton is overreacting. I would however suggest that the bikini guy avoid the Louisville hat guy in front, I would hate to see bikini guy get Pitino'd.

Heilman Claimed Off Waivers By Mystery Team

According to the great speculator Ken Rosenthal, Aaron Heilman has been claimed off waivers by a mystery NL team. Oh please God, tell me it's the Cardinals. Nothing would bring me greater joy than seeing Heilman ruin the Cardinals amazing season. Please, please, please let Dave Duncan try to make lemonade out of this asshole.

The Cubs have until Monday to work out a deal with the mystery team. Really, we'll take anything...

Jake Fox vs. Matt Stairs

Next in our daily series (because we've done it two days in a row) which we'll call the um… Versus Series (genius!) we have Jake Fox vs. Matt Stairs. When trying to think about Jake Fox's future the first guy that comes to mind is Matt Stairs.

A short fat guy that started at first base, but got moved around because teams usually had a better first baseman. They seem like blue collar guys that'd talk to you in a bar... probably about home runs because thats all they really concern themselves with. Matt was drafted as a shortstop, Jake started off as a catcher. I know there are expert sites that will tell who who a player is most similar too, but screw it I'm going it alone here. Once again this looks like a pretty fair comparison when you look at how Stairs' career started out.

Matt scrapped together 126 at-bats over his first 3 seasons, none of which appearing in more than 40 games and had only 1 home run over that span of sporadic play. His fourth season, in 1996 at 28 years old is the year that compares well to Jake's current season at 27.

Stairs 1996- 61 G, 137 AB, 38 H, 10 HR, 23 RBI, 19 BB, .277 AVG, .367 OBP, .547 SLG

Fox 2009- 58 G, 151 AB, 48 H, 9 HR, 34 RBI, 11 BB, .305 AVG, .355 OBP, .550 SLG

Very similar numbers here at about the same age and experience level. So if Jake continues to follow the career path of Stairs, where would that take him over the next few years? Starting with the following year for Stairs, let's take a look.

Stairs 1997- 133 G, 352 AB, 105 H, 27 HR, 73 RBI, 50 BB, .298 AVG, .386 OBP, .582 SLG
Stairs 1998- 149 G, 523 AB, 154 H, 26 HR, 106 RBI, 59 BB, .294 AVG, .370 OBP, .511 SLG

Stairs 1999- 146 G, 531 AB, 137 H, 38 HR, 102 RBI, 89 BB, .258 AVG, .366 OBP, .533 SLG

These three seasons were clearly his prime, although he has stayed a useful player for many more years. If Jake approaches anything near these numbers over the next 3 years I think everyone would be thrilled. The only issue with that is with no where to play, it doesn't appear he will get the opportunity. Currently, it looks like next year he will be relagated to a similar role as this year which is how Stairs has been used later in his career. With playing time I'd say those numbers above are the potential/ceiling of Jake Fox.

Milton Bradley vs. Cliff Floyd

You know how in sports there are certain guys that you have difficulty separating or just seem like the same guy to you? Everyone has their own connections and I have a million examples of guys that always seemed like the same guy to me. One example that comes to mind right now is Pat Burrell and Russell Branyan when they were first coming up. Two guys that were home run or nothing and were just the same guy to me. Feel free to fill the comments with your own examples.

Another such set of guys in my mind were Milton Bradley and Cliff Floyd. Not simply because they are two black dudes with nerdy white guy names. As non-Cubs I knew of them as incredibly injury prone corner outfielders with some pop. Fantasy baseball probably helped make this connection that Milton was just a younger version of Cliff, I'd seen this story before. 'If healthy' was a phrase that followed these guys around everywhere. Both guys started their careers with the Expos and bounced around the league after that.

Now having seen them both up close and personal as Cubs has only reinforced this comparison to me. You always heard announcers talk about how hard Cliff Floyd hit the ball as a Cub whether it was a single or a home run. Milton seems to be the same way. Watching them hit you'd expect them to hit more home runs than they really do. Trying to figure out what to expect from Milton going forward, I decided to take a look at the comparison in numbers. Hendry is preaching patience pointing to that hand-pissers awful first year, let's see if we should expect a similar turnaround.

Floyd is 6 years older than Milton, but started in the majors when he was 2 years younger. After the first 10 seasons of their careers, their number of at-bats are pretty similar (they've missed about an equal amount of time). Here's how their first 10 seasons compare:

Floyd- 955 G, 3132 AB, 891 H, 132 HR, 508 RBI, 347 BB, 115 SB, .284 AVG, .356 OBP, .494 SLG

Bradley- 917 G, 3174 AB, 882 H, 112 HR, 430 RBI, 450 BB, 76 SB, .278 AVG, .372 OBP, .451 SLG

Floyd hits about 2 more home runs per season, steals more and walks and strikes out less than Bradley. Very similar with Bradley getting on base a little more while Floyd displayed a bit more power and speed.

For fun let's see the comparison of the two in their one year as Cubs. Milton isn't done with the year yet and is 4 years younger than Cliff was when he joined the Cubs, but let's check it out anyway.

Floyd- 108 G, 282 AB, 80 H, 9 HR, 45 RBI, 35 BB, 0 SB, .284 AVG, .373 OBP, .422 SLG
Bradley- 103 G, 316 AB, 79 H, 9 HR, 31 RBI, 61 BB, 2 SB, .250 AVG, .383 OBP, .383 SLG

Some pretty similar numbers. Bradley has gotten on base a little bit more, but hasn't knocked in as many runs, similar to their career comparison. Hopefully Bradley doesn't continue to follow the years Floyd had following his season with the Cubs. Though one wouldn't expect him to as he had been a player on the rise joining the team, while Floyd was known to be an older fading player.

Milton had his first big year in 2003 while missing time, and followed it up with another good year in 2004 at the age of 25. That was the only year of his career he topped 130 games. Last season, which included career high of 22 home runs, is what got him his big contract in Chicago.

Cliff's career year came in 2001 at the age of 28 his last in Florida. He put up a few more decent years while battling injuries before having another big year in 2005 at the age of 32. That would be his last impactful season. Interestingly, Milton will be 32 next year. Let's see if he has one more big year in him at 32 as well...

Rick Morrissey Subscribes To The "It Takes One To Know One" Theory

Rick Morrissey calls out Lou Piniella in today's Tribune and basically implies that Lou's an idiot.

It wasn't just the catch that stood out. And it wasn't just the fact that the regular left fielder, Alfonso Soriano, never would have made the catch. It was knowing that Soriano never would have tried to make that catch. But don't waste your time blaming the guy for his inability or unwillingness to track down a fly ball. We're so far past that, we'd need a rear-view telescope to see it. Everybody knows Soriano should not be a regular, and everybody has known it for months. Everybody but Lou Piniella.

Piniella makes decisions the way glaciers make trips to the 7-Eleven. Either he doesn't like change or he has a fatal habit of being loyal to players who don't deserve his loyalty. Or perhaps he's aware that Soriano is the highest-paid player in team history. Yeah, that could be it. Whatever the reason, it's bad.

How many times over the last three years has Piniella stood by players who didn't deserve his trust? It was like pulling impacted wisdom teeth to get him to take the closer role away from Kevin Gregg. How many times did Gregg get lit up before Piniella realized what everybody else realized?

Piniella let Milton Bradley be awful for eons until Bradley "blossomed" into a No. 2 hitter. He should have benched a slumping Fukudome earlier in the second half last season, and Fukudome certainly had no business being in the lineup in the playoff debacle against the Dodgers. And so on.

The best managers aren't afraid to make decisions. It's true that a baseball season is long and that most players have ups and downs. But a perceptive manager sees when something isn't working. From Day 1 in Chicago, Soriano has looked lost in left field. A socialite in a biker bar couldn't have looked more lost.

You know Rick, just because Lou isn't doing exactly what you want him to do doesn't mean he isn't making decisions. It just means that he is making different decisions than you.

Absolutely Nothing Is Going Right

Not only do the Cubs continue to make a disappointing slide towards the bottom, their equipment does too. I suppose that could be the letter "U" for Underachievers though.

The 2009 Chicago Cubs, even their equipment sucks...

Really? It's Come To This?

You know when teams like the Cardinals come to town and the promotion will say something like "Albert Pujols leads the Cardinals into Chicago blah, blah, blah?" Well, this is when you know your team sucks:




Kind of sums up the 2009 Chicago Cubs season quite nicely...

Kevin Gregg Out As Closer

Even before the ninth inning this game was unwatchable. Why do the Cubs let WCIU (The U) broadcast games? Hey "U," you're not fooling anyone. Just because you put "HD" in the corner of the screen doesn't really make the game high definition. Anyway, I digress.

After giving up four runs with two outs in the ninth inning last night, Lou Piniella is done with Kevin Gregg. He hasn't yet named a new closer but the only candidates are Carlos Marmol and Angel Guzman. I'm not really sure why Carlos Marmol is even being considered at this point, I usually like my closers to get people out. Oh well, I've gone this long without it. Here's what Gregg had to say after the game.

"It sucked," Gregg said. "I wasn't pitching. I went away from what I wanted to do, didn't executive my pitches and cost us the game."

Told that Piniella was going to make changes, Gregg said: "I could see why he's (ticked). I'd be (ticked). I'm (Ticked) right now. That's a crappy effort I just put forth on the field. I could have regrouped. I still have to get people out."

Don't worry Kev, you can now "executive" your pitches in the 6th inning.

One Former Notre Dame Player Sent Down, One To Go

According to Cubs.com, the Cubs sent Jeff Samardzija down to Triple-A after his Wednesday night ass-raping and recalled Justin Berg. All they have to do now is cut ties with Aaron Heilman and this team will be much more tolerable.

Notre Dame baseball...and you thought their football team sucked.

Never Tell Me The Odds: Part II

Just last week I posted that the Cubs' odds to make the playoffs were 48.3%. Now, less than 10 days later, those odds have dropped to 17.7% according to www.sportsclubstats.com.

Helluva week boys, helluva week.

A Moment of Silence

Time of death: 10:04 pm on August 12th, 2009. As Randy Quaid succinctly said in the American classic Major League 2, "NO! You rotten bums! You overpaid weenies! Mild thing, you make my butt sting! I detest you! You're all garbage! All of ya! Back up the truck! Back it up!"

But hey, we get our first look at Jay Cutler on Saturday.

Same Old, Same Old

Now I know why they call the back end of the bullpen the "ass end." Stop me if you've heard this one before. Carlos Marmol coughed up the lead in the eighth inning without ever giving up a hit (3 walks and 1 HBP) and then Gregg gives up the game winning home run. I know, pretty original.

The Cubs managed to lose a game where they only gave up 3 hits in 12 innings. It seems one poor performance after another is starting to take it's toll on Piniella, who once again got a little short with reporters after the game.

Piniella got upset with an Internet reporter who asked if he was "frustrated" by the loss, asking: "You want to manage and lose five out of six, and see how you feel? You come up here and sit here and let me ask you the questions and see what your emotions are."

I would hope that if they switched roles, Piniella's first question to the reporter would be "How come you didn't have Grabow up earlier so he could pitch to Howard when it was clear that Marmol didn't have it tonight?" I would love to hear the answer to that question.

This Is What We In The Business Call "Not Good"

Haven't posted in a couple of days, partly due to laziness and partly due to the fact that this team is about as uninspiring as it gets. Allow me to recap after the kick in the balls known as the Colorado series:

Aramis Ramirez is broken

Tom Gorzelanny is broken

Carlos Zambrano is broken

Some guy named Esmailin Caridad is on the team

In Sunday's game, the Cubs left 28 men on base. Oh yeah, they didn't even have one walk.

Aaron Miles is healthy

The Cubs are 1-4 since they activated Miles

The Cubs are 21-30 in games that Aaron Miles plays

The Cubs are now 3 games out of first

Tagging Practice? Really?

This is from Paul Sullivan in this morning's Chicago Tribune:

"Piniella said Fontenot will work with Alan Trammell on covering second on steal attempts after botching two tags over the last couple of weeks."

Seriously? How bad do you suck when you actually have to spend your off day with a coach so you can practice tagging? How does Alan Trammell keep a straight face while going over this with Fontenot? Can he really be happy with his career choice at this point? He's a goddamn World Series champion and a 6-time All-Star and now he's teaching people how to tag? If Alan Trammell woke up this morning and thought to himself "I might as well coach at the local high school at this point, at least I'd see my family more," could anyone blame him if he just walked away?

Do you know what's even more sad? Theriot should be right out there with those two working on it. How is it that LSU is so successful in the College World Series yet none of their players know how to tag?

Aaron Miles Is Activated & The Cubs Lose: Coincidence?

In a not so surprising turn of events, "Aaron Miles Day" was a colossal failure. The national debt grew a little larger, the Dow Jones lost some momentum and the Cubs lost to the Reds.

Seeing as it was "Aaron Miles Day," Miles got the start at shortstop in the series finale and he did not disappoint. The Cubs actually managed to downgrade themselves defensively at shortstop by giving Theriot the day off. Reread that last sentence and then tell me you don't want to stick needles in the eyes of your Jim Hendry voodoo doll. Miles had trouble with routine throws from short and went 0-3 at the plate while batting in the 2-hole.

Thankfully, Aaron Miles Day only happens once a year so there really isn't a reason to play him again. I hear the Cubs are looking for a roster spot on Friday so they can activate Soto, I know which spot I'd take.

Governor Pat Quinn: Wednesday is "Aaron Miles Day" in Illinois

Piggybacking off the success of last week's "Mark Buehrle Day," Governor Pat Quinn has just announced that today is "Aaron Miles Day" in anticipation of Miles' activation from the disabled list.

Illinois residents are expected to celebrate by disappointing their bosses and co-workers at work today and by performing their jobs poorly.

John Kruk Thinks Ryan Dempster Should Be The Closer

Last night on ESPN's Baseball Tonight, John Kruk informed everyone on how he would fix the back of the Cubs' bullpen. Kruk's solution? Return Ryan Dempster to the closer's role.

Since Kruk is a highly paid baseball analyst on the Worldwide Leader's airwaves, surely he had some statistical data that would back up this strange suggestion, right? Kruk's reasoning? Dempster has closed games before.

While that's not factually incorrect, Kruk probably should have bothered to look up some numbers before going on the air. The last two years that Ryan Dempster closed games for the Cubs, he had a 3-16 record with an ERA of 4.78 and 52 saves. Kevin Gregg thus far in 2009 has a record of 4-3 with an ERA of 4.17 and 21 saves. As much as Cub fans are tired of Gregg and his struggles, Kruk managed to find a guy who is statistically worse as a closer to replace him.

Also worth noting, Dempster's last two years as a starter he has a combined record of 22-11 with an ERA of 3.36, probably something you'd miss if it left your rotation. Not to mention that the Cubs just signed him for 4 years at 52 million. If the Cubs were going to spend that on a closer, they could've signed K-Rod at the start of the season who instead signed with the Mets for 3 years at 37 million. Other than that though, I think Kruk's onto something.

Never Tell Me The Odds

According to www.sportsclubstats.com, the Cubs' odds to make the playoffs as either a division winner or a wild card team are at 48.3%. Their odds increased by 4.5% with yesterday's win over the Cincinnatti Reds, a win that put them a percentage point ahead of St. Louis in the standings.

This made me curious as to what the BLT supercomputer would find the Cubs playoff odds to be. It turns out that when we entered all of our data we came up with a slightly larger number. According to our calculations, the Cubs odds to make the playoffs are at exactly 50%, either they will or they won't. For you gamblers out there, we also found that the Cubs had those exact same odds to win tonight's game.

David Patton's A Good Soldier

David Patton, who was placed on the DL with a fake injury on July 7th along with Aaron Miles so the Cubs could activate Aramis Ramirez and Reed Johnson, "re-aggravated" his fake injury over the weekend in a rehab start with Jim Hendry in attendance.

"I've been working hard trying to get back to where I was and during that second warm-up pitch I pulled it right back to where it was," Patton said.

Patton isn't certain what's next for him.

"I'm not sure about that," he said. "I'll probably get some information as the night progresses and figure out where we're at. Whatever the organization decides to do, that's pretty much it. I'm under their wing."

Fear not David, I'm sure you'll be feeling better by September 1st when major league rosters expand.

Let It Be

It appears that in an effort to help Steve Bartman live a normal life, ESPN will graciously thrust him back into the spotlight that he never wanted. According to ESPN they have commissioned a one hour documentary by Alex Gibney that will attempt to answer the question "can Steve Bartman forgive Chicago?" Allow me to be the first to say, what a bunch of crap. The question should be, can Steve Bartman forgive the media? It was the media that made sure his face was captured on camera, it was the media that followed him out of Wrigley Field that night, and it's the media that continues to write story after story about the man.

Derrek Lee was asked about the documentary and he pretty much nailed it right on the head:

Lee, who was part of the Marlins' rally, said Bartman already has been absolved by most knowledgeable fans, and a documentary would make things worse for him.

"They should probably let it go," Lee said. "It's a non-issue. It didn't change the game, no matter what anyone says. He did what any fan would've done, and there were five other people trying to do the same thing. He just happened to get his hand on it. At the time, we saw Moises [Alou] get upset, but it's a play that happens quite a bit. "It's not like it was some crazy, random thing. It happened. Now let it go."

The documentary is a series in ESPN's "30 for 30" where they will make 30 different documentaries by 30 different filmmakers. The project is the brainchild of Bill Simmons, The Sports Guy. I think if Simmons is looking for a subject that is documentary worthy, he may want to take a second look at the 2004 Red Sox World Series with David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez. Perhaps he can even do a documentary on the Red Sox security staff and why a league investigation on the matter is "confidential." Seems a little strange that a league that is supposedly cracking down on steroids wouldn't even release their findings when it comes to a couple of security guards.

I digress. Hopefully this gets even fewer viewers when this airs than "Quite Frankly with Stephen A. Smith" used to get.