Where's The Outrage?

It's been well documented here what my feelings are in regards to Z's move to the bullpen (stupid) and how I feel about Alfonso Soriano (love him). Both, in the past, have been accused of being selfish and resistant to a move that may be perceived as a demotion.

Then there's Tom Gorzellany:

"It's not my decision, but I don't feel like I deserve to go to the pen," he said. "I've pitched well enough and done well enough this year to deserve to be in the rotation. I feel that whatever they choose to do, hopefully it's for the right reason. Whatever they ask me to do, I'll do. I can't have much say in the matter. But do I think I deserve to be put in the pen? No I don't."

I don't recall Zambrano saying he doesn't deserve to go to the pen, he just did it. I also don't recall Soriano saying that he hopes they're moving him out of the leadoff spot for the right reasons. Somebody other than me better call Gorzellany out on this. Can you imagine the outrage if this came from one of the media's favorite whipping boys?

Bush League Times: The Movie

The Cubs have not officially announced the signing of Bob Howry as of yet, probably due to embarrassment. At first, the rumored signing enraged me but after having a chance to digest, I've decided to use this news towards something positive. I sat down and quickly penned an idea that I pitched to Warner Bros. and they're very interested in proceeding. I think I'm going to need you, the reader, to look over what I have so far and give me your honest opinion. Give it to me straight, I can take it.

Tom Ricketts, a former investment banker, has purchased the Chicago Cubs baseball team from the Tribune Company. He wants to move the team to the warmer climate of Miami. In order to do this, he must reduce attendance at Wrigley Field below a total of 800,000 ticket sales, which will void the team's lease with the city of Chicago. After he moves the team, he would also be able to release all the current players and replace them with new ones. He instructs his General Manager, Jim Hendry, to hire the worst team possible from a list he has already prepared including names like John Grabow and Bob Howry.

Spring Training in Mesa, Arizona reveals several problems with the newer players. Samardzija has an incredible fastball but lacks control. Theriot is able to run the bases quickly but hits only pop ups, and while Soriano has tremendous power he cannot hit a curveball. The veterans have their own problems, as Ramirez refuses Jaramillo's help and Lee refuses to move down in the order. On the final day when Piniella is to cut the team down to 25 players, Ramirez plays a practical joke on Samardzija, making him believe he was cut.

I'd also like to incorporate an idea I have about two Oriental groundskeepers that swear a lot as well. What do you think so far, too far fetched?

Cubs Choose Bob Howry Over Me

Fuck. Me.

According to CSNChicago.com, the Cubs have signed Bob Howry who will join the team in Texas this weekend. Thanks for the warning.

Twitter is abuzz right now with Howry panic, my favorite comes from AriBall who says, "If Bob Howry is the answer, you're asking the wrong fucking question." Fuck you Jim Hendry. Fuck. You.

Car Tire Mistakes Cub Fan for Mark Prior

Courtesy of nbcchicago.com:

A man wearing a Chicago Cubs t-shirt was injured Tuesday after being struck by a tire that came off a car in Wrigleyville.

Emergency crews were sent to Sheffield Avenue and Clark Street about 5:15 p.m. on reports that a man was hit by a "flying tire," Fire Media Affairs Chief Kevin MacGregor said.

"It got airborne, and as it flew, it flew and it hit him in the head," said a witness, Anthony Knox.

At a nearby barber shop, Cheyenne Webb said he was casually looking at a magazine when he looked out the window and saw the man sitting on the curb with a group of people around him. He was talking on his cell phone, Webb said.

"There was blood all around him, I was worried because I thought he was dead. Then I saw him blink and I said, 'Thank God he was OK.'"

Thank God he blinked or else he never would have been able to tell that the guy talking on his cell phone wasn't dead.

Former Cub Update: Mark Prior Still Hurt

The sun rises in the east, water is wet, and Mark Prior is hurt. From today's Tribune:

Former Cubs pitcher Mark Prior, out of baseball after leaving the San Diego Padres organization a year ago, recently started throwing again in hopes of one more comeback.

But we hear that he recently took a line drive off of his pitching shoulder while throwing batting practice to a local team. He was shut down for three weeks although the injury is not considered serious

Honestly, it's really only a matter of time until Mark is struck by lightning while getting run over by a bus...

Role Reversal: Dan O'Clock Edition

In this feature we take two things that we thought we knew to be true and point out how things have changed. This week, we'll be comparing two things that are very important in the life of our very own Dan O'Clock:

Alfonso Soriano

What we thought we knew - Going into this season the consensus was that Sori's legs were shot, his bat was slow and his stupid hop would one day cost us all very dearly.



Role reversal - Well I'll be damned. Sori's legs have yet to be an issue, he's driving the ball well while leading the team in HR's and is second in RBI's and he's abandoned the hop that everyone but Dan O'Clock hated.


Elisha Cuthbert

What we thought we knew - Going into this season the consensus was that her legs were great and she had a body that just wouldn't quit.



Well I'll be damned...

Castro Promoted to Quadruple-A Team

Well, this is exciting. The Starlin Castro Era begins tonight in Cincinnati because the Cubs are in full-panic mode after being swept in Pittsburgh. The move was anticipated by a lot of people, but it does bring up some new questions as Paul Sullivan points out via Chicagobreakingsports.com

Why was the move made now?

Though it makes sense that the Cubs need an offensive infusion, the promotion of Castro primarily was made for defensive purposes. Castro has a better arm and range than shortstop Ryan Theriot, whose defense has been subpar at best during the first five weeks.

I disagree. This move was not made for defensive purposes, it was made because Hendry is panicking. I've been hard on Theriot in the past but let's be honest, the Cubs are not struggling because of the defense at the shortstop position. I'm glad Castro is here because it give me something new to watch and he will probably provide better defense. But the promotion of Castro was primarily made because of panic and desperation.

Can Theriot move to second base without any playing time there this year?

The Cubs believe Theriot has spent enough time at second in his career that moving back over will be like riding a bike. But the decision not to play him at second at all during spring training will draw some criticism.

Why criticize the decision to not play him at second during spring training when nobody is criticizing the decision to not assemble a capable bullpen during spring training? I say we continue to give Hendry and Piniella free passes and not hold either one accountable. Now, where's my Mai Tai?

Are the Cubs too right-handed?

Kosuke Fukudome and Mike Fontenot were the only two left-handed hitters in the regular lineup, and with Theriot moving to second, Fukudome is the last lefty standing. But a Cubs' source said this is not expected to be a problem. "No one complains that the Cardinals are too right-handed, do they?" he said. Fontenot will be the primary left-handed hitter off the bench, taking the spot of Chad Tracy, who was 1-for-11 pinch-hitting.

Whoever that Cubs' source is who spoke those words of wisdom should be our next manager. I love him and feel the need to give him a reach around. It's refreshing to know that someone in the organization feels that way about the whole too-right-handed-thingy. I fucking hate that.

Do the Cubs have too many second basemen?

This is a question that has been asked since the days of Neifi Perez, Todd Walker, Jerry Hairston and Freddie Bynum. They now have three in Theriot, Fontenot and Jeff Baker, who will serve as Aramis Ramirez's primary back-up at third now that Tracy is gone.

Honestly, comparing this team to past Cubs teams it seems like we don't have enough second basemen. Was I the only one who got a little nervous when Sullivan only named three? Shouldn't we have something like five more, you know, just to be safe?

Is this a harbinger of future moves?

There's not a whole lot the Cubs can do with the starting lineup, but sources said Andrew Cashner, who was promoted to Triple-A Iowa, may be headed to the Cubs' rotation soon. That would mean Randy Wells or Tom Gorzelanny is on the spot. At the very least, the Cubs hope it lights a fire under Wells, who appears too comfortable in his second season in the rotation.

Why in the world would they think Randy Wells appears too comfortable in the rotation? I mean, I could maybe see it if, hypothetically of course, the Cubs needed a starter to go to the pen and instead of moving Randy Wells they moved, let's say...their opening day starter and staff ace to the pen instead. Then and only then I might see why Wells could possibly think that his spot was safe. Luckily, no team would ever do that so this whole concept is entirely ridiculous.

Happy Star Wars Day, Cubs Fans!

As I'm sure none of you know, today is officially Star Wars Day (May 4th, May the Fourth be with you...wacka, wacka). You're probably asking yourself, "Self, what the hell does Star Wars Day have to do with the Cubs and baseball?" The answer, of course, is nothing. But if I didn't bring it up, I wouldn't have an excuse to make any "Wookie-of-the-Year" jokes or to show you the following stupid video:





We now return to our regularly sketchy Cubs coverage...