Monday, June 28, 2010

Your 2010 Chicago Cubs: It's A Way Of Life


Welcome, make yourselves at home. I'll be your guide today as I show you around a place that I like to call Rock Bottom. It's not as cold or as desperate in here as you might imagine. There's no stomach punch, no bottled up anxiety that makes you want to scream and no feeling of dread. It's quite numb here, actually. That's because we make you check your hope at the door. It's much like one of my favorite lines from The Shawshank Redemption when Red tells Andy "Hope? Let me tell you something, my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane. It's got no use on the inside. You'd better get used to that idea." There is no hope at Rock Bottom.

This is a comically flawed team from top to bottom. What makes it so comical is that everyone seems to be aware of it except those closest to it. They continue to try and put the fires out with a garden hose while the rest of us already had the sense enough to jump off the roof. Now, after another incident on the South Side, the powers that be in the Cubs organization have yet another chance to make the wrong moves.

Only your 2010 Chicago Cubs could find themselves here. Can you think of another team that could have two of their bigger stars argue in the dugout and it makes that team no more or no less watchable? Do you care what the conclusion is? Does it matter?

Say what you will about Zambrano. He's probably not worth the trouble at this point and he's more and more becoming the house guest that won't leave. There may be some good that comes out of this though. Maybe after this, Derrek Lee will be willing to waive his no-trade clause and leave before Jim Hendry has the opportunity to re-sign him.

We all knew that Z was crazy, it wasn't a surprise. And just because he's crazy doesn't mean you should kowtow to him but it does mean that you should be aware of what certain decisions will do to his psyche. I harshly criticized Piniella's decision to move him to the bullpen earlier this year. Lou made sure everyone was aware that moving him there was not a punishment or a demotion. That is of course until now, when they want to punish him and demote him. Did anyone in Cubs' management ever stop to think that the initial move to the pen would start the process of Z unraveling?

I'm not trying to say that Z's move to the pen is what made his 2010 season up to this point a colossal waste of time, I'm just saying that I don't know. It's possible that the move affected him negatively and it's just as possible that his skills are in decline and the beginning of the end was near. We may never know now, and I think that sucks.

Of course, in typical Jim Hendry fashion, he's screwing this up too. He now has a player he wants to get rid of that he's paying $91 million dollars and his value has never been lower. So what does he want to do? He wants to move him back to the pen to lower his value even further. His one chance to move Zambrano this season is to try and trade him to a contender before the deadline. What contender is going to want to take on that salary when they now know that before Zambrano can even contribute to their team as a starter he'll have to be stretched out again, for the second time in one season? Does Hendry think there is a contender out there that will pick up the rest of Z's contract so they can use him as an 8th inning set-up guy? I'd hope that Hendry would realize what he's doing is counterproductive, but then again, I've already checked hope at the door. And now the Cubs, like Andy Dufresne, must crawl through a river of shit and hope to come clean on the other side. But what are we supposed to do in the meantime? It's a way of life I guess...

Friday, June 18, 2010

The Numbers Behind Geovany Soto's Ass-Clenching With RISP


In yet another email I received from Puma yesterday, he took the time to break down Soto's splits at the plate. Here's what he came up with:


Soto with Nobody On Base: .280/.398/.549 in 100 Plate Appearances = Good

Soto with Runners On: .246/.419/.316 in 75 Plate Appearances = Jason Kendall

Soto with RISP: .133/.381/.133 in 42 Plate Appearances = Atrocious

Here to comment on Soto's inability to hit with RISP is our very own Puma...

"Wow, he has exactly the same # of extra-base hits with runners in scoring position as my DEAD GRANDMOTHER! That’s 4 singles, 4 singles, in 42 RBI opportunities. Zero doubles, zero triples, zero HRs. Also, 12 BBs & 10 Ks so over 50% of his chances end without him putting the ball in play.

If those numbers don’t tell the story of a guy choking under pressure then I don’t know what does. He’s like an overmatched Little Leaguer PRAYING that they walk him."

Pumail Version 2.0


Well, the site seems to be up again but I'm sure you only have something like a four-hour window to read this gem. It's once again time for Pumail! For those of you not familiar with Pumail, this is when I post random emails I receive throughout the day from our very own BLT Correspondent, Puma. Today, we welcome the most optimistic of Cubs fans to Negativityville as this team has sucked the hope and will out of yet another lifelong fan.

From: Puma
Sent: Wednesday, June 16, 2010 10:55 AM
To: Jay
Subject:


By the way, I’m willing to join anyone’s I Hate the Cubs group, if anyone wants to start one…

Good God am I tired of them. I try like hell to not watch them or listen on the radio or whatever but even the small bits and pieces I inevitably end up seeing just piss me off to no end. Zambrano laboring, Derrek Lee making errors (remember when people argued for Lee in a Lee v. Pujols debate??!!), Marmol hitting guys (I turned off the Lilly game in the ninth after the balk, I couldn’t deal with the potential pain of a loss there), Theriot’s .675 OPS, etc. etc.

From: Jay
Sent: Wednesday, June 16, 2010 10:59 AM
To: Puma
Subject: RE:


Welcome to Negativityville...Population is now 3. Our secret password is "Sam Fuld swallows..."

From: Puma
Sent: Wednesday, June 16, 2010 11:01 AM
To: Jay
Subject: RE:


That’s fine, Sam Fuld sucks too…

From: Jay
Sent: Wednesday, June 16, 2010 11:05 AM
To: Puma
Subject: RE:


It's not all bad news around here though. John Grabow is back!

From: Puma
Sent: Wednesday, June 16, 2010 11:20 AM
To: Jay
Subject: RE:


I hate him too. Things I also hate:

Lou taking an hour to walk to the mound to ensure that John Grabow gets a couple of extra warmup pitches before he picks up his can of gasoline

Derrek Lee’s baserunning – Seriously, I don’t take pleasure in hating on Derrek so much because it’s my understanding that he is a truly nice guy, but he is the worst baserunner of all time. He is the anti-Theriot, which reminds me…

Ryan Theriot’s baserunning – Theriot and Lee are both terrible baserunners, but for completely different reasons. Theriot always runs, he’s an idiot who can’t pick his spots. Lee never runs. He gets the worst jumps on singles and almost never scores from second on a single. Even on gappers DLee is standing near second base afraid that Stretch Armstrong is patrolling RF for the Pirates

Ron Santo’s announcing – I love Ron Santo with all my heart and soul, but when the Cubs are bad he just amplifies my already amplified fears. When Lilly gave up the hit to Pierre in the ninth on Sunday Ronnie went on this woe-is-me rant about how now Pierre is just gonna steal second and come around to score and “God, Gosh, Gee Whiz” and all that. When Marmol balked I had to change the station lest I drive off the road…

Chad Tracy’s swing – He swings like a girl

Kosuke’s disappearing act

Dempster & Lilly’s penchant for offering up game changing HRs in the 7th and 8th of otherwise well-pitched ballgames

Randy Wells’ entirely predictable decline

The palpable sense of dread in the ballpark any time the Cubs are playing – It doesn’t look like *anyone* is having fun during Cubs games, it always looks like a root canal for everyone involved (except maybe Soriano). Can we get Kenny Lofton and his crazy 16-step high-fives back on the team?

Geovany Soto’s ass-clenching in big spots – Seriously, look it up. His numbers go completely downhill from Bases Empty, to Runner on 1st, to RISP, to RISP with two outs. He is afraid, and I’m amazed he progressed this far in his career with that mental deficiency

Mike Fontenot’s completely useless roster spot – He’s not starting, he’s not a great pinch hitter, he’s not fast, he’s not a great glove man, and he’s not blessed with great power. Why’s he here?

Xavier Nady’s inability to throw – It’s maddening to me that we have a guy who cannot throw, playing *baseball*

Jim Hendry

Jim Hendry

Jim Hendry

Jim Hendry



Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Pardon Our Dust

Some may have noticed that the site was on the fritz since Saturday and we just got back on our feet today. Apparently, when Network Solutions decides to make a change to your DNS that fucks up your shit and you call them to change it back...they take their sweet fucking time. That being said, we missed covering an exciting weekend of Cubs baseball as they took on the White Sox at Wrigley. Let's recap, shall we?

All Cubs suck except Ted Lilly until further notice.

That was fun. Now, as long as the Evil Overlords at Network Solutions mind their own business, we will continue to cover this sorry-ass team.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Congratulations Blackhawks!


Congrats to the 2010 Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Blackhawks. Unfortunately, the pleasant distraction that was playoff hockey is now over and it's now time to acknowledge that we have a bad baseball team on the North Side. However, it's also a good time to acknowledge that Bears training camp starts in about a month and a half. Try and hang in there...